Archive for October, 2008


Bunny Love

October 28, 2008

i’ve always wondered what a Rabbit vibrator would be like. They seem so… goofy. But promising at the same time. So when i got an email offering me my choice of one from the Rabbit Vibrator website, well, i jumped at the chance to try it out and share my experience with all of you![1]

When i picked out the G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator, i was paying attention to that lovely curved head, destined for my happy spot. Not to mention the 7 different vibration options, and the 6 different rotation speeds. What i missed entirely was the “strobe lighted beads” mentioned in the description. My Master was downstairs when i unpacked this baby and fired it up for the first time, and He had to call upstairs to find out just what it was i was laughing about. It’s like a party in your pants!

But, i hasten to add, it’s a *really good* party in your pants. And i tend to masturbate with my eyes closed, and often under the covers on these quickly growing colder autumn nights. So i don’t actually notice the multi-colored strobe lights.

What i do notice is how perfectly this vibe fits, and hits all the right spots. Even with no vibrations turned on, the way the head nestles against my g-spot and those goofy rabbit ears line up on either side of my clit is enough to get my juices flowing. And once i turn the vibrations on, well, it gets even more interesting.

For the uninitiated, i refer you to the Wikipedia page on Rabbit Vibrators (man, i love how everything is on Wikipedia!). But basically, it combines a rotating shaft with clitoral stimulation courtesy of little vibrating rabbit ears. The rotating beads in the shaft definitely add some interest – i’ve always been a vibrator girl, so i figured i’d like the ears, but wasn’t sure what the beads would be like.

i was really pleased with the vibration. i’m a Hitachi girl, and i’ve gotten used to the particular frequency of the Magic Wand (only on the low setting, please). Most battery operated vibes i’ve used don’t have the power or the right oomph to actually make me come before i end up with vibration induced numbness. Not this one. There are seven different vibration settings, but i’d be happy with just two. The first is the setting where pulsing vibrations escalate from low to high, and then back down again. i call this the tease and torment setting, because at the high point of the scale i’m right on the edge of coming, but it never lasts long quite long enough to push me over. Evil, that. And the changing intensity of the vibrations keeps me from going numb. When i can’t take it any more, i switch over to the highest frequency of the 3 steady vibration settings, which does the trick with (by that time) blessed efficiency.

Small downsides – well, there are the strobe lights. And while i don’t actually mind, i can’t say they’re a feature. And then there’s the smell. Besides the g-spot angle, one of the thing that appealed to me about this model is that it wasn’t made of jelly rubber, which i’ve never been a fan of in sex toys. And while i do appreciate the firmer non-jellyness of this one, it does have that same offgassing smell of a new vinyl shower curtain, which is not particularly erotic to me. But that’s already toned down a lot, so with more time out of the box, it should go away.

But all in all, i’m pretty thrilled with this new addition to my toy drawer. And if you like vibes, i think you’d be too. Don’t fear the cute! The Rabbit Vibrator website has 20+ different models at a variety of price points and with all kinds of different features, so there’s probably a bunny there for you to fall in love with too.

[1] Which is to say, i got one free in exchange for writing about it. But if i didn’t like it or thought it was badly made, i totally would have said those things.


10 thoughts

October 26, 2008


Yesterday my Master was mostly out of contact. But to ensure i was keeping him in mind, i had instructions to stop and clench my pussy for a count of 10, ten times over the course of the day, and to write to Him what i was thinking each time. It was nice way to spend my day – pausing off and on for a quickie fantasy and cunt clench.

The thoughts:

One. Thinking about being punished for inattention.

Two. Thinking about kneeling.

Three. Thinking about You taking out Your frustration on me.

Four. Washing dishes, and thinking about sucking Your cock.

Five. Kissing You.

Six. Your hands in my hair.

Seven. Piss slut.

Eight. Spanking.

Nine. Bondage.

Ten. Thinking about how nice it will be to have a smooth pussy again. (Waxing appointment this week!)


Damn, that was cold.

October 22, 2008

White wine should always be served chilled. So you’d better hurry up and drink it before it warms up.



Whose body?

October 21, 2008


Just over 2 years ago, i looked at the scale, didn’t like the number my weight was approaching, and decided it was time to do something about it. 10 months later, i’d lost over 50 lbs and was down to a “normal” weight for the first time in my adult life.

That weight loss is particularly significant, because it’s what led to my becoming my Master’s submissive. At the time we had been in a long-term, but mostly vanilla, secondary relationship. We had a visit coming up, and i lamented to my (now) Master that i had nothing to wear, because i had not had a chance to replenish my wardrobe since losing all that weight. He gave me a budget to buy a wardrobe “suitable for being his sex slave for the weekend” – and what started off as a joke quickly turned into something much deeper and more profound than either of us ever expected.

Since then, there have been many appearance changes that have been mandated by Him, or at least strongly encouraged. Growing out my hair, waxing my pussy, getting acrylic nails. But that first one, that oh-so-profound one, that really amazing accomplishment – that was all me. i decided to lose the weight, and i did it. And while i was happy that it put me closer to being able to fulfill my Master’s fantasies, it was something that was mine.

Fast forward about 16 months from when i reached my goal weight, and i’m finding the scales creeping up. Not very high yet, but something that needs to be nipped in the bud if i’m going to continue to fit in the (now rather extensive) wardrobe my Master has purchased for His slavegirl.

Finding the willpower has been a little harder this time around, so my Master has decided to make this part of my submission to Him. He wants me to lose the weight. i’m reporting to Him what i eat, and my activity level. i am to do this for Him, as part of my service to Him.

One part of me relishes the external motivation. But there’s another part of me that resists, that holds onto the idea that the weight loss is mine. The feminist part of me that bristles at the idea of losing weight for a man (while recognizing the inanity of that position in the face of having my pubic hair ripped out by the roots for a man).

So i work to reconcile all these different parts of me, to accept and embrace that this is not in my control, and that my role is to serve, and to please my Master. That this body is His and no longer my own. That this is just another place to practice the letting go that will guide me to the place i want and need to be. Which is to say, a mewling horny slavegirl, desperate to please her Master in any way He demands.


Searching for submission

October 19, 2008


Thank you to everyone for the kind comments on my last post. Experiencing that moment on my knees was really truly magical, and made me realize how far i have fallen in my submission, how distant i have become from it.

It’s not completely unexpected. If you’ve read my blog for a long time, you may have been able to read between the lines of my recent posts and realize that my husband and i have separated. And while that’s been a really positive thing (for both of us), it’s a huge change in my life, and it’s spilled over into my submission. Add work and other stressors, and in some ways it’s easy to see why things have been slowly declining in intensity over the last few months.

My Master and i have been doing a lot of talking this week, figuring out what’s happened, and what needs to happen to get back to what we both want and need. Or more accurately, my Master is figuring that out. My job is simply to let go, and let Him take me there.

Letting go is the first lesson i need to relearn. It was really hard for me the first time around, but it’s going a little easier this time. That taste on our last visit has energized me to rediscover the center of my submission. It was just such a profound moment for me, and i realized that i need to feel more of that. And i can only feel it by giving myself over completely to the man who owns me, body, mind and soul.


-3 days

October 13, 2008


i wish i could say that all of you were right and that i just fell into it and everything was perfect. Sadly, that was not the case. i was out of sorts from the moment i met my Master at the airport on Thursday – annoyed that i was having to wear an uncomfortable butt plug, instead of seeing it as an opportunity to please. Testy and argumentative. Distant. All the things i don’t want to be, but somehow couldn’t help. i sucked His cock, said all the right words, spread my legs for Him to fuck, but my heart just wasn’t completely in it. i knew it, he knew it, but we both muddled through, Him occasionally asking me what was up, me being unable to clearly articulate it.

We did have a nice visit – it was fabulous to have him in my new home, and my new bed. Fabulous to cook dinner together, something we’ve not really done before. Fabulous just to hang around the house having normal time. But it wasn’t satisfying either of our needs, deep down. Because i was fighting it.

Friday night, after the dinner we cooked for each other, we were sitting together on the couch, and something clicked in me. i got down on my knees in front of Him, kneeling at His side as He stroked my hair and face. i felt better than i had all visit. i only went back up to the couch in order to give Him a long foot massage, something that He absolutely adores, and i felt good to be serving Him that way.

Later, He went into the bathroom. Being His piss slut is one of the things that i’ve been particularly fighting lately, but hearing the sound of His piss hitting the water, i was compelled to go over to the bathroom. i knelt outside the door, and He turned and put His cock in my mouth.

i didn’t know if He was done or not. i didn’t know if He would be pissing in my mouth – expecting me to swallow without spilling a drop – or if i was simply to clean Him off. But – most importantly – it also didn’t matter. In that moment i was simply submitting, whatever that might mean, whatever He might want from me.

My body flushed with submission. i tingled from head to toe with the feeling of giving over all that control, with simply trusting and serving and submitting my will to His. He pulled His cock from my mouth – all He needed from me was to clean it off – and stood there, holding my face in His hands. The pure emotion of submission flowed through me.

We went to bed soon after, and i was on fire. Every touch of my Master’s hands on my skin further aroused me. Unlocking my submission had unlocked my sexuality too, and when my Master finally gave me His permission, i came long and hard around His cock in my cunt, every contraction furthering my connection and submission to Him.

Unfortunately, He had to leave early the next morning. So now my challenge is to hold onto that feeling until i see Him again, in about three weeks.


3 days

October 6, 2008


Some day, i hope that the stars align to allow me to give all of my attention to preparing for my Master’s arrival. But He comes in 3 days, and as is too often the case, i am stressed and overly busy, and not able to give my preparation the attention it deserves. Oh, and – of course – i’m pre-menstrual, which always makes me flail about and feel a great sense of futility about it all.

My Master doesn’t ask very much of me. My long list of rules mostly comes down to being mindful. And i haven’t been mindful lately. One day i left my camera’s memory card at home. Today, i left my camera at home completely. There are always “reasons” to fall back on, but they’re really just excuses for not being mindful, and i don’t even try to make them anymore. i just apologize and try to do better, and feel disappointed in myself when i fail to do that.

In 3 days He’ll be here. In my new home, with me. i’ve got three days to get myself ready emotionally and physically to submit to Him and serve Him as i have promised to do. 3 days to focus what time i can on Him, and on being the best submissive i can. Knowing that as overwhelming as it can feel to try to “fit that in,” if i do it i’ll be richly rewarded by feeling closer to Him, and knowing that i have served Him well and given Him what He needs from me.