Archive for July, 2009

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Three Vignettes

July 27, 2009

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#1: You’re fucking me with my legs up over Your shoulders while you stand next to the bed. i’m moaning with pleasure as you thrust, but my moans turn to squeals when You suddenly start smacking the sides of my ass as You fuck me.

#2: Me kneeling on the bed while You use the cane and riding crop on me until i cry.

#3: We’re at a club. We’re dancing and i’m rubbing myself up against You. i can feel Your hard cock pressing up against my ass. i slide my body up and down, giving You as much friction as i came. Your hand slides around under my skirt and cups my mound, squeezing and pinching, sliding Your finger into my cunt.

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Hard Week

July 26, 2009

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It’s been a really rough week. My Master and i have both been very busy, and our schedules have rarely aligned. Early in the week my Master told me to put my buttplug in, and i had to admit that i’d failed to put my toy bag into the purse i was carrying that day. He’s not been having me use my toys hardly at all, and i’ve gotten lazy about making sure i have them with me. So it was completely my fault, and i expected to be punished.

But the punishment He gave me was something that i just couldn’t do. i tried to think it through, figure out how to make it work without it being a real problem for my personal and professional life, and i just couldn’t do it.  And i felt horrible about it, knowing that i had disappointed Him. i still feel horrible about it. And because of our schedules, we have not really had time to talk about it, if He is even willing to talk about it.

Between that and some other things that are going on regarding my modes of conversation and level of “agreeableness,” i feel like He is always either upset or angry with me, or disappointed in me.  i feel like i just can’t do anything right, and don’t deserve to be His submissive.

All of this is happening leading up to a visit. i get to see Him in 3 days. i miss Him tremendously. i want to show Him that i can be His good girl. i feel lucky that i get to see Him – after the week we’ve had, i spent half the time wondering if He’d tell me not to bother getting on the plane Wednesday.

But i do get to see Him. And i have never craved punishment as much as i am craving it now. i need for Him to do something so that i can be forgiven and we can move forward, because i am just feeling so awful all the time now, and i can’t be a good submissive to Him that way either.

i hope that this visit will be renewing and reconnecting. i hope i can find that inner core of my submission, and bring it back up to the surface, and show my Master that i really do want to be His good girl. But it is all being really hard for me right now, and i don’t feel very confident in myself.

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Sub in a closet

July 23, 2009

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Lessons not learned

July 19, 2009

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See the picture above? Do up one more button, and you’ll have a perfect picture of my attire when my Master and i stopped at the hotel bar for a snack after our night out on Friday last week.  That’s right, i forgot to take my collar off AGAIN. This time my Master noticed it, but since i hadn’t remembered and He didn’t care, He just waited to see what would happen.

What happened is that we finished our snack and were getting ready to go, and He leaned into me and whispered into my ear that i was still wearing my collar. At which point i swore at Him. Repeatedly. And He just laughed at me. “There are so few things you find humiliating,” He said, “I have to take them when I can.”

Uh-huh. But i figure that probably no one noticed the collar because they were all too distracted by the 8 inch long school girl skirt it was wearing.

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Although i was sitting in a much more ladylike fashion. Well, as ladylike as i could on the little end table Master was making me sit on in the bar. Eventually i switched to His lap. Better? Worse? Who knows. i’m sure there were at least some people figuring that He’d paid for me…

i had a good excuse for forgetting my collar, which was that i was blissed out on endorphins.

We’d had a really good time at the party the night before, and when our Friday night plans finished quite a bit earlier than we’d anticipated, we decided to venture out and try (one of?) the BDSM clubs in town. We got there pretty early, and a rope bondage class was just finishing up, so we had to wait around for that to clear before they opened up the play space.

i will say again that we’ve been very spoiled by play spaces in other cities. Despite having a lot of square footage, this club’s space was really oddly laid out, and the ambiance, very, well… grungy.  And once again, not the same quantity or quality of play equipment we’ve grown used to elsewhere. Particularly lacking were the nice padded spanking benches, which we are used to seeing in a wide variety of heights. i decided later that it must be part of the NYC scene vibe to make bottoms hold difficult positions for flogging or some such. But we like spanking benches because they support me so i can drift away on the pain, while putting me at a nicely ergonomic height for my Master.

At least there wasn’t much competition for the equipment that was there – in sharp contrast to the previous night’s hordes of beautiful people, this club was very sparsely attended during the time we were there.

Despite the disappointments, we did manage to have a really excellent scene. We found a spanking bench of sorts, and my Master started building me up, working me over with all the toys we’d brought with us. He was harder and meaner and spent a longer time than usual, which i liked, and i got nice and floaty and out of my head as He took me to subspace.

So really, it shouldn’t be a surprise that i’d forget my collar again. Forgot my wrist cuffs too, but at least those were hidden by my jacket, so i didn’t have to be embarrased by those until i got back to the room. And i guess i did learn one lesson. One which my Master teaches me every time He gets the chance. Whic is that a little embarrassment never hurt anyone, and is sometimes just what a submissive needs to remember her place.

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Just pretty

July 18, 2009

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Almost Demure, continued

July 15, 2009

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Out on the town

July 14, 2009

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One of the things my Master and i like to do when we’re travelling is to go to any local BDSM clubs or parties that are going on. We’ve had amazing experiences at clubs in Chicago and Seattle, and we’re always looking for a similar spot in whatever city we’re visiting.

So i was tasked with checking out the scene in NYC, and discovered that there was going to be a “Suspension” party while we were visiting. Suspension is the name of party, not necessarily the theme. There’s no website for it, but you can check out the NYC Fetish Tribe group on Fetlife for more details.

We weren’t really sure what to expect, but we dressed me up, packed a toy bag and headed off. Our first impressions weren’t great, as the space seemed really small, but then we realized that there was a whole back room we’d missed on our initial walkthrough of the space, and that made a big difference! As did the all of the beautiful people in amazing fetishwear. i felt totally underdressed.

But that didn’t stop us from having a good time. We watched some beautiful rope bondage and suspension, then moved into the back room and settled into a comfy little nook. The party was in the basement of a bar, so not really laid out for playing, but people made do.  My Master put me across His lap and gave me a really nice warm up spanking leading into flogging and paddling.  At various points both of my Master’s hands would be on my body AND there’d be someone flogging my ass, so i quickly figured out that He was pulling passerbys into the action, and that really got me turned on. My ass got so hot from the flogging that when my Master ran an ice cube (from a cup of ice someone had given Him to play with – such friendly helpful folks, lol) over my ass, it felt absolutely heavenly. And usually i hate ice!  This sort of thing went on for a quite a while until i gave a really big yelp over something (probably the paddle) and He decided i was done.

After that, i was feeling randy and exhibitionistic, and discovered that the sides of the booth we were in were perfectly spaced for me to lie on my back and hook my legs up on either side of the booth. i swear i wasn’t actually trying to invite my Master to spank my cunt, but of course that’s what ended up happening.  He spanked hard, and then in little light smacks that were just arousing and not painful. And then He slid a piece of leftover ice under my g-string and started spanking me hard with that against my cunt. This time the ice was NOT my friend and he got some really loud yelps, and maybe even swearing.

We wandered back out into the front room again to see what was going on, and ended up talking for a while with one of the party hosts and doing lots of people watching. The atmosphere at the party was really amazing. It was busy but not wall-to-wall people, which gave us lots to look at.  Nearly everyone was wearing great fetish clothes.  It was a pretty young crowd, the music was good, and the whole thing had really good energy. As i said to my Master, this is the sort of thing that people probably expect SM clubs/parties to be, but that in our experience they rarely are.

With all that great energy swirling through the air, it was no surprised that we ended up back in the back room for another scene. This time my Master had me lie down on a couch type bench along one wall. i don’t remember the sequence of it all, but there was more spanking and flogging, and lots more cunt spanking, which i found myself getting really into. Because i was wearing panties, it wasn’t as stingy as it can sometimes be. And we’d also been doing a lot of it that night, so my skin was more acclimated, and i was able to get past the pain to pure rhythmic pleasure from it. And it sure didn’t hurt that my Master was alternating the spanking with rubbing and patting. i came about as close to coming as that sort of thing will ever make me.

When He was done with me, it was pretty late by our standards (although the party goes until 4, so they were just getting going!) so we headed out. We’d had an early and light dinner, so after all that play we were starving. We grabbed pizza slices from a random pizza joint on the corner, and were sitting down at a table in the window to eat them when i realized that i was still wearing my collar. And not my pretty little dress collar that passes as a goth choker. No, my real, full on, inch wide collar with d-ring that you’ve seen in so many of these pictures. Neither my Master nor i had realized it until that very minute. Turning beet red, i slipped it off and into the toy bag, then finished my pizza and we headed out to a taxi, while i studiously avoided looking at the guy working behind the counter!