i am lucky to have a Master who loves me so deeply and takes such good care of me. i am lucky to have a Master who is tolerant of my mistakes and helps me learn from them and do better in the future. i am lucky to have a Master who is so handsome and so fantastic a lover. i am lucky to have You in my life, supporting me financially and emotionally and making my life better in countless ways. i am lucky to have had someone to guide me and celebrate with me as i rediscover my femininity and rejoice in my new body.
Archive for June, 2009
When my Master told me i was going to be his fucktoy on our most recent visit, i had no idea just how much the “toy” part of that description was going to come into play.
As i wrote in the 22 hours post, when He arrived i was standing in the corner, hoping that i’d done everything right. i could hear him wandering around the room, trying to figure out where i’d stashed the toys. His instructions had said to put them in the top drawer of the dresser if there was one in the living room. Which there wasn’t, but the top drawer of the desk was the most equivalent place i could find.
He mostly ignored me for a little while, then told me to pull up my skirt a little in the back. i did that, and He ignored me for a while longer. Eventually he got settled in on the couch, and told me to crawl to Him.
He pulled out my collar, dangling it in front of my face, then dropped it on the floor in front of me. i picked it up in my teeth and presented it to Him. He tossed it down again. i picked it up again. This time, He tossed it a little farther away, and i crawled over to get it and bring it back. At first i thought i was being punished, or doing something wrong, but eventually it struck me that we were just playing fetch, because it amused Him to see me crawling around the floor in my tiny skirt and high heel shoes. This went on for quite a while before He told me to beg Him to put the collar on me, and then for a while after that, as i got the begging just right.
He put my leash on with my collar, and attached me to various points of the room as He did things. Moving back to the couch, He had me lie down beside Him, and started playing a little game where He would toss the end of the leash (which has a ring) towards my nipple, trying to “ring” it, while having me play with my clit. This all had me feeling nicely objectified throughout, i have to say. Master had had a busy and intense couple of days, and was enjoying indulging this light playful side, i think.
His next game was just as playful, but definitely not light! It went like this… Following His instructions, i’d reach into the bag of clothespins, pull one out, and say “Please put a clothespin on Your slavegirl, Sir,” and He would. I’d take a sharp intake of breath, or stamp my feet, or maybe even swear (depending where that particular clothespin went), and He’d hold His hand out patiently waiting for the next. i’d reach into the bag, and we’d do it again. And again. It took me a while to get into the rhythm, but i eventually i got the sequence right.
i don’t know how many clothespins He put on me. Maybe a dozen? A few on my cunt, most on my breasts. i know this is not a lot by some people’s standards, but it was plenty for me. There was one He put on my vulva very close to the end, that stung like crazy and nearly had me in tears. Shortly after that we got to the next phase of the game.
“Please Sir, please take a clothespin off Your slavegirl?” i begged Him, this time holding out my hand to take the clothespin back and return it to the bag. As soon as i could i begged Him specifically to take off the horrible biting one from my vulva, and while that was a relief, the rest had been on long enough that they were as painful coming off as they had been going on. When i begged again, and He told me they were all gone, i could scarcely believe Him, and wasn’t sure whether to be happy or sad. I had gotten so thoroughly into the rhythm, that it just seemed like it was going to go on forever.
My ineptness at the next game – begging to worship His cock – may have had something to do with all the endorphins making me loopy. But that thought didn’t occur to me at the time! i started off begging to suck His cock (something i very much enjoy doing) and ended up begging just to look at it, as He guided me through all the stages of begging in between. i’m not very good at begging, but got lots of practice on that visit! Finally He did let me look at it, then kiss it, then lick it, then take it in my mouth and enjoy the full taste of Him.
He fucked me then, and god, did we both need it. He fucked me until He came, and then He kept going, kept fucking me, eventually pulling out of my cunt just long enough to switch to my mouth, and coming again there. Ahhh.
Then, we had to get off the couch and dress for dinner.
4:30p-6p: i arrived at the hotel before my Master, with specific instructions about how i was to unpack and be prepared to greet him. i was to unpack all my clothes, put the toys in an accessible but hidden space, and be standing waiting for Him in the corner. All evidence of me other than myself was to be hidden – i was to just be a perk that came with the room.
6p-7:30p: My Master arrived, and spent a long while playing with his fucktoy. Throwing my collar onto the floor and sending me to fetch it over and over again. Finally putting it on me, along with my leash, and then playing a very amusing (to Him) game of trying to land the metal ring on the end around my nipple. Then He came up with an even more amusing (to Him) game called “Beg for the Clothespins.” That was followed up by begging to worship Master’s cock, being granted that wish, and having Him come in me twice, once in my cunt and then again in mouth. That was a busy 90 minutes!
7:30p-9p: Ate dinner, snuggling up next to each other on a corner banquette at the hotel’s restaurant.
9p-10p: Back up the to room, with several stops along the way in the hall so that Master could pull down the shoulder of my dress to expose my tit, or push me up against the wall, or bite me, or just kiss me passionately. Me terrified the whole time that someone was going to open a door. Then, although we tried valiantly, the dining room table in the suite proved not quite the right height for fucking, so we moved on to the bed so He could fuck me in my dinner dress.
10p-11p: Spent in the bar, ultra conscious of people looking at me in my very short skirt and sheer black buttondown shirt over lacy black bra, and distracted by the buzzing of the remote controlled vibrator in my panties.
11p-12p: Pleased with my good performance, Master rewarded me with an orgasm, with my big purple dildo in my cunt and the Hitachi Magic Wand on my clit as i sucked His cock. i begged Him for permission from around His cock, and then came with Him deep down in my throat, mouth too full for my moans of pleasure to even be heard. i’d just finished coming when He filled my cunt with His cock. i was utterly exhausted and my cunt was sore from all the use earlier, so i felt very used as He fucked me for a long time before deciding that a 4th orgasm in 6 hours was just slightly too elusive to achieve.
12p-8a: Sleeping next to each other, mostly separate, occasionally intertwined, but always knowing that the other was there, and that we would wake up next to each other in the morning.
8a-9:30a: Cuddles and morning blow job, followed by more sex. Neither Master nor i can remember that round in particular, but we know He had two orgasms before breakfast…
9:30a-10a: Room service breakfast, part spent sitting on top of the table to provide my Master with a better view, and part spent kneeling next to Him.
10a-11:30a: Photo shoot in the morning light – lots of fun poses. And some not-so-fun ones, at least as far as i was concerned – there were lots of great flat surfaces in the hotel room for Him to pose me on, but they were all topped with glass, and WOW were they cold. So i guess those ones were still fun – for Him.
11:30a-12:30p: Master told me to take my panties off, then he lay down on the couch and told me to straddle His face and move wherever i wanted to be licked. i felt kind of self conscious about this to begin with, but what Master wants, Master gets, and if He wants to lick His slavegirl’s cunt, who am i to complain? Master clearly liked it too, and when He was done giving me a very thorough cunt licking i got to return the favor, with Master filling my mouth once more with His come.
12:30p-1p: We hear marching band music through our hotel window, and Master says “That must be that parade the hotel warned me about.” We peer out the window, trying to figure out what the parade could possibly be. When the next group to pass by were some rather butch women on motorcycles, followed by some people with rainbow flags, we quickly determined that this must be a Pride parade. We decide to get dressed and go out to watch for a bit. Master insisted that i wear my collar to do so. i protested, but He insisted, although He did turn it around so the buckle was in the back (partly hidden by my hair) and it just looked (i hope) like a thick leather choker. We watched the parade for a little while, but couldn’t stay long.
1p-2p: A quick shower, and then i put makeup on so i would look perfect for a last few pictures – close ups of me kissing and sucking my black stiletto pump. Pity we can’t post those ones to the blog, so you’ll just have to imagine them. Then packing to go.
2p-2:30p: Taxi ride to the airport, passionate kisses at the curb, then i was off to my terminal and He was off to His.
22 sweet hours of submission to the man i love. Thank You, Sir.
3 bra and panty sets
2 pairs stockings
1 pair of jeans
5 pairs of shoes (including the amazing Steve Madden platforms in the picture)
And a whole bunch of sex toys, of course.
Fortunately, i was able to squeeze it all in my regular suitcase. When we travel for longer periods of time – even a weekend – we usually send a box ahead, with all the sex toys and some of the shoes.
This paragraph, although written to describe her Michael, could just as easily describe my Master.
The most important thing to Michael, the most real part of our relationship, the thing that matters more than what he says or does or what ends up happening, is how he feels. The fact that he thinks about me when he is away, that his soul misses mine, is exponentially more real to him than the manner of contact we may have over that same period of time. Loving and wanting me mean more to him than any way in which he could possibly show those same emotions.
This is so true about my Master, that it’s scary. But like Gray Lily, i’m more about the action. As i wrote my Master i’m definitely more of the “yes, You love me, but what does it matter if…” kind of person. Despite His encouragement i’ve never been good at being satisfied with just the emotions.
Unlike Gray Lily, i don’t have the hope of some eventual payoff (although i fear that her hope may be mislaid, and hope that i am mistaken). As much as my heart fights it, i know my place. i know that this is what i get, that there is no happy ever after, at least not in the traditional ways.
And most of the time i’m okay with that. As my Master has reminded me, relationships are not about endpoints. The journey is what’s important, and the journey we have been on and continue on together has been an amazing one, filled with wonder and closeness and love and pleasure. And pain and longing and sorrow and loss, but this wouldn’t be life without the circle, without the lows that make the highs worth fighting for.
This is what i must try to remember in times like now, when i am struggling to be not only what He wants, but what my dimly remembered memories tell me that i too would be happier being. That the journey is what matters, even when there is no destination.