Archive for August, 2012


It’s all in your head

August 27, 2012

My Master and i were lucky enough to spend Saturday afternoon playing with the awesome Jade and W.  i may write more about the day, and i know Jade plans to, but what moved me to post to my blog again after over a year away was thinking about the head game.

We originally planned this play date for April, but something came up and things got canceled at the last minute. So the possibility of it has been in my mind for a long time. But that was about it – just the possibility, because my Master and W were solely responsible for the planning. i was not in the loop at all. But there were a few hints dropped here and there, and they were sufficient to set up a pretty intense head game for me.

i knew that my Master had promised me to W to use. He’d told me that i could be beaten, fucked, used – pretty much anything. He’d even implied that my being pissed on was not off the table. So i had a not insignificant amount of trepidation going on in the lead up to the actual day.

What actually happened was a mix of objectification and use and mutually negotiated activities between the four of us, and much fun was had by all. But in the back of my mind the whole day was this idea that W was going to, at some point, fuck me, or make me suck him. And for all my Master and i talk and fantasize a LOT about me being a sex toy for other men to use, up until now i’ve only had (male) sex partners who i had chosen of my own volition. So this idea that it wouldn’t be up to me was at once hot and scary.

Towards the end of the day, i requested and received a really excellent hard flogging/beating from W. And part of what made it so hot was that throughout it i was utterly convinced that when he was done, he was going to use me sexually. But he didn’t. And while a part of me was relieved, to my surprise, a bigger part of me was… disappointed.

And guess what i was thinking about when i masturbated last night?