Archive for May, 2007

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Office Orgasm

May 30, 2007

My Master and I were having a casual conversation over SMS, me sitting in my office, him several time zones away having dinner in another country. In between describing to me latest course in his multi-course dinner, he started giving me instructions to touch myself. My last instruction was to type up what had happened and send it to him in email.

I was amused and pleased when, in the middle of a casual discussion about dinner, you started giving me instructions to touch myself. I liked that interplay very much, the connection between who we have been to each other before and who we are now.

I petted my pussy through my pants for you. With your next instruction I undid my pants and reached in, with a finger from my right hand in my cunt and a finger from my left hand on my clit. By the time I got your instruction to make myself good and wet, I already was. Wet enough that I could hear that slutty slurpy sound of my cunt juice covered finger moving on my clit.

Although you told me to put the anal plug in the bathroom, I did it here in my office, not wanting to go away from you for so long. But then I had lube on my fingers and decided I had better wash my hands, so I went and did that. I’m getting more and more used to having the plug in my ass. It slipped in very easily, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel it – quite the contrary, I was very aware of it there. I squirmed in my chair as I touched myself again, thinking about your desire to hurt me, and my desire to take that from you, to be taken by you, completely.

I stood up and rubbed myself against the corner of my desk, remembering that first time you made me do that, and how desperate I was then to have something touching my clit, how hard I tried to make myself cum that way. I was not so desperate this time, since you had been letting me touch myself.

The parallels with that first time continued when I took the yellow highlighter and inserted it into my cunt, while my fingers rubbed circles around my slippery clit. The sensation of being fucked with the plug in my ass was delightful as I sat in my chair, but I knew that if I were going to come, I should do it on my knees, on the floor, like sluts deserve. So I dropped down to my knees and soon your order came, telling me to come for you. My fingers moved faster and faster, and highlighter slipped in and out of my dripping cunt. My breath came harder and faster. I let out a few very small moans, but mostly stifled them so no one would hear me and wonder what I was doing in here. And then I came, my body shuddering, my cunt and ass clenching and unclenching around their respective invaders. I leaned into my desk to catch my breath while I texted my thank yous to you. I licked my fingers and the highlighter clean, savoring my tangy juices.

$37 dollars in international SMS charges, but Master assured me I was worth every penny. And then some.

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Apology

May 30, 2007

Dear Master,

I have been a very bad submissive, and did not give you the consideration that is your due as my Master and owner. I am deeply sorry and beg for your forgiveness.

I put my own needs and desires over yours, which is something I must never do. I am yours, in body, soul, and mind, and it is my obligation to consider your needs and desires in my every action. I didn’t do that last night and I am heartsick at having disappointed you.

You are my everything – I love you always and completely. More than anything. I have promised to do anything and everything you asked of me, but then I didn’t do the one very simple thing you asked of me – to make a phone call. I thought then that it was just a small thing, but I realize now that I was a huge violation of the spirit of our agreement.

Please, please forgive me sir? Please allow me to continue to serve you, and to be your good little girl again? Being owned by you means more to me than I ever imagined it could, and the thought of losing that devastates me. I would promise to do anything you asked of me in order to make it up to you, but you already have that promise from me. And despite my recent actions, I really do mean it. I really am yours, and I really will do anything for you, anything you ask of me. No matter how painful, humiliating or degrading, if those are the things that will bring me back into your good graces again, then I will do them eagerly. Beg you for them. In just a few short days, I will be able to demonstrate that commitment to you in person, and I know that I need to do that now more than ever.

I love you, always and completely. I am so, so sorry, sir. Please let me be your good little girl again? Please let me make this up to you in any way that I can? Please teach me and guide me so that I will be better able to serve you in the future, so that I can learn better how to make my actions reflect what is truly in my heart.

Yours,
sub lyn

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The hottest thing I’ve ever read

May 26, 2007

When my master wrote this to me, I almost had an orgasm sitting there in my chair with no one touching me. It was, and still is, one of the absolute hottest things he’s written to me.

There will be a time when I am both fucking you, and hurting you so hard you’re crying. And the pleasure and pain will mix inside you and make you hotter and hotter and hotter. And you will look into my eyes through your tears, and come. And it will be beautiful to watch.

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Context

May 26, 2007

I was telling one of my dear friends about the way my relationship with my Master had changed, and she responded to my email with “Well it sounds fabulous from here, m’dear. I’m glad you’re having fun and fulfillment and I hope your upcoming time together is hot and delicious!”

Which are very nice sentiments, of course, but just felt totally out of sync with where my head is. Because this is certainly fulfilling, but I don’t know that I’d describe it as “fun.” Thinking about that lead me to write this email to my Master.

It’s hard to explain what this feels like on the inside without it sounding like something weird. There’s a line in the Illustrated Teacher story I sent you that talks about there being a lot about D/s that doesn’t survive the transition into words, and I find that to be very true. It’s why so many of the blogs out there are almost painful to read. It’s so hard to articulate what this is like without it sounding mean or abusive or just “why the heck would you want to do that!”

So she’s putting what I’m telling her into her context of consensual playful BDSM and intepreting it that way. And that’s fine, but just means that her responses will be a little startling for me sometimes.

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Truth

May 26, 2007

A further clarification of his rules for me.

I assume that what you write is true. I know that you tend to be an open person, but it’s even more important in our case and vital when we’re not together. I assume what you write me is what’s in your head and your heart. I assume you don’t write what you think I want to hear, what you think would make a better “scene,” or what you want to think you believe. I assume you are open and honest and truthful and exposed.

At all times.

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SMS

May 22, 2007

>> Tell me what you are.

> Your slut. Your sub. Yours.

>> Also my toy, my slave, and my pet.

> Yes, sir. Slut, sub, toy, slave and pet. I like being all of that to you.

>> You’re all of that to me, even when we’re apart.

> I’m especially looking forward to being that to you in person, though. I
> want your hands on me so badly it hurts.

>> I want to hurt you with my hands, too.

> Yes, sir. Please, sir. I want you to take my body, and use it for your
> pleasure. I want to feel your ownership in my flesh.

>> I want to take your body and use it. I want you to spread your legs
>> and beg to have your cunt slapped.

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My sub type

May 20, 2007

We were having a conversation inspired by the Seven Types of Submissive post on Confessions of an English Gentleman, and my owner asked me which category I fell into. None of them really fit, so he asked me to write up a paragraph that would describe me.

A sub lyn wants to learn how best to please her dominant, sexually, physically, and emotionally. She doesn’t necessarily get inherent pleasure out of pain and degradation type things, but they act for her as evidence of ownership, and help prove to both her and her dom that she is learning and performing well. As does performing various rituals, such as the daily clothes description. She wants to be able to release her inhibitions and control in an environment where she feels completely safe, and finds it very psychologically satisfying to be able to do that for and with her dominant. She likes it when her dominant expresses his satisfaction with her, likes knowing that she’s made him happy, likes it when he treats her like a cherished pet, holding her and caressing her and spoiling her a bit.