I haven’t written anything about my Master’s visit earlier this week. It was in many ways a really wonderful visit. We had a great time together and felt closer and more intimate than ever before. But it was also an unusual time. In the week before our visit, some things had gotten very suddenly stressful in his personal life, which resulted in us spending two full days with extremely minimal contact. We’ve had low contact periods before, but with notice, and a chance to prepare. This came on with no warning, and totally flipped out both of us. Mid-afternoon on the second day I was shaking and fighting tears, I was so stressed out from not hearing from him and not knowing what was going on. He was also feeling pretty distressed about the whole thing.
Things got back to some semblance of normal, but in the days leading up to his visit, I could tell that I didn’t have his focus. That he just wasn’t feeling quite right. And sure enough, when we got together, it became clear that with all the stress of the past week, he’d “bounced out of the D/s dynamic hard.” Fortunately, we had 4.5 years of non-D/s relationship to fall back on, and a busy day doing things that would probably have been more complicated had he had me fully under his control. But we spent a couple of hours in the hot tub in the hotel room that night, talking about what this meant.
I’ve gone “flailing about,” as Master likes to call it, a couple few times since this has began. Lost my space, my place, my submissive focus, done things that I shouldn’t have done. He’s been able to identify those times and bring me back to him. But what do you do when the Dominant is the one who’s lost? This dynamic doesn’t really lend itself to the submissive helping him get it back.
But that was then, this is now, and whatever was lost is now found, if this email can be taken as any indication:
I was looking over your rules earlier. I will send you an updated version, but I was struck by this final rule:
10. When we are together, I own you completely and totally. I control everything about you. You are my slut, my slave, and anything else I want you to be. You will do everything I ask without question or hesitation, both in private and in public. I don’t yet know what form this ownership and control will take, but it is mine to decide.
That’s going to be doubly true when I see you this week. I am going to take all of you, possibly more than you are ready to give. So be sure to be ready when I take it.
I am terrified and excited at the same time.