Bathilda Caged Patent Sandal from bebe
Archive for May, 2010
i went upstairs and put on my cuffs and collar. i knelt for You, feeling my awareness of my body as belonging to You, and feeling grateful/ appreciative of You giving me the freedom to have fun with it. i rolled over and pulled out my vibrator and masturbated. Feeling particularly owned already, i was fantasizing about being Your piss slut, because those have been some of the times i have felt the most owned. i thought drinking Your piss at La Domaine. i thought about You pissing on me in the various bathtubs of our acquaintance. i thought about wanting to pee my panties for You again, and suck out the pee, and wad them up and stick them into my cunt for You. And thinking about how incredibly hot that experience had been, my orgasm hit and i was begging You for permission to come. Then i put the vibe away and drifted off into a nice deep sleep.
From my “last night” email to my Master:
With all the arousal building up from all these days, i knew that i was going to orgasm lightning fast, so i did my best to stretch it out. i started off just resting the vibrator on my clit, not turning it on, just feeling the pressure there. Then i took the clothespins and clipped three around each nipple. As i did so, i fantasized little girl fantasies about You/my Daddy sneaking into my bedroom at night. Telling me that You needed to hurt me, but that i needed to stay quiet so no one else would wake up, and that if i did, You’d reward me later for being such a good girl. i felt the bite of the clothespins on my breasts, then slipped my fingers between them to play with those nipples that had wanted to be touch so much earlier in the day.
Then i got to work on my cunt that had wanted to be fucked so much earlier in the day. i lubed up my purple dildo and it slid right in – my cunt was wet and open with anticipation. i imagined that it was my Daddy’s big cock slipping into my little girl parts, filling me up. Then i imagined You rewarding me, and turned on the vibrator on my clit, just letting the dildo sit inside of me as i returned to playing with my nipples as the vibrator did its magic. i didn’t want it to end too soon, so i turned the vibe off after a few seconds, since i was already so close, and fucked myself with the dildo instead, imagining that my little girl cunt had opened up for You, and i could take all of my Daddy’s big cock now.
Finally, i couldn’t hold out any longer. i turned the vibe on again, and it was only a few seconds before i was pulling the clothespins off my breasts as my orgasm started to approach, then begging Your for permission to come, then feeling my cunt pulsing and spasming around the big dildo.
Saturday was a day of highs and lows with my Master. In the morning, we were feeling very close to one another, as I’d had significant cause to feel my submission the night before and we were working through that. It was a lovely morning of deep connection, intense IM, then casual messaging back and forth as we went about our days.
As the day wore on, things got more hectic for me, and as I raced to get ready for a date that evening, i was thinking more about all the things i had to do than my Master. Much later, as i was checking the time on my phone before leaving the restaurant after my date, i saw the message from my Master – “You couldn’t possibly have left without saying goodbye, could you?”
But i had. Oh, i had excuses, but none of them good. i went home and straight to bed as He’d instructed, and Sunday morning sat feeling contrite and ashamed of myself as the words of His lecture flashed on my IM window.
Sunday night, i meditated on that lecture from the morning. Of the importance of our connection with one another. On the importance of being respectful of Him and His position in my life, and of His desire to know where i am and what i’m doing. On His comment that everything we do – my dating others included – can bring us closer together or push us farther apart, and that it was up to us to choose. i meditated about choosing poorly. And i meditated on how i’d felt on Sunday, when i had checked in with Him regularly, keeping him updated on my various comings and goings.
i’d felt good. i’d felt close to him, protected, submissive. Grounded. But even as i contemplated all that i gained from behaving as i should, i knew that my positive experience in the act of doing it shouldn’t be my motivation. Because when i’m only in it for what i get out of it, then i’m not truly submitting to my Master. And “forgetting” becomes easy, if the something i’m forgetting for seems like it will be better or more fun for me some way. Even when the things i’m required to do feel like an inconvenience to me, i need to do them anyway. Because He wants it of me, because it brings us closer, because it enhances our connection. And that deep connection, that intimacy that it brings, is what makes our relationship the phenomenal experience that constantly leaves me in awe.
Last night i masturbated on the floor for my Master, with the pointy toe of a stiletto pump in my cunt, and the head of my Magic Wand on my clit. As he’d instructed, i was fantasizing about the hot woman i’d met online, who wears garters and stockings and pumps like me, and wants me to strap my cock on and fuck her. i fantasized about her legs up over my shoulders, imagined experiencing the view my Master gets when He’s fucking me that way. With that image in my mind, i begged my Master for permission to come and shuddered my orgasm all over my pretty shoe.