Countdown

It’s 10 days until i see You again, and i’m really looking forward to
having time to reconnect and reestablish our relationship. We’ve both
been so busy that it’s hard to keep it as close as we both want and
need. So i’m thinking about You helping me remember my place and my
role.

It’s 9 days until i see You again, and i’m thinking about You dressing me up to go out, and how i want to look good for you. i was so nervous about clothes on our first visit there, so long ago. You’d made some comment about my not having the wardrobe for that city, and i never forgot it. i’m much less worried about it this time, and know that i will look as good on Your arm as You want me to.

It’s 8 days until i see You again, and i’m looking forward to us destressing with one another. When i’m wrapped up in Your arms, i feel cozy and at home and in the moment, enjoying thoroughly our time together. You fucking me is another time when it’s hard to think of anything else (and a whole different kind of fun than cuddling). And i want to be there for You, so that You can use Your slavegirl in any way that You need and that pleases You.

It’s 7 days until i see You, and such a thrill to think that i’ll be seeing You in just a week. i’m looking forward to being Your play thing in whatever ways You want me to be, but right now i’m particularly thinking about You hurting me, and remembering the clothespin game from last time. It makes me hot knowing that You can do whatever You want to me.

i really can’t wait to see You in 6 days. i’m looking forward to kissing You, and how it makes me feel deeply in love with You and deeply horny for You, all through my entire body. i love Your lips and how they feel against mine, and our tongues tangling together. i just love everything about kissing You, and can’t wait until i get to do it again.

5 days, and i’m looking forward to You fucking me. With my legs up over Your shoulders so i can admire my pretty shoes. And with my knees twisted to the side because that always makes me so hot. And in the million other positions that You manipulate my body into to meet Your desires.

It’s 4 days until i see You again, and i’m thinking about You dressing me up in whatever pleases you. i’m thinking doing my hair and makeup so i’ll look pretty for You. i’m thinking about You showing me off.

It’s 3 days until i see You again, and i’m thinking about submission, and remembering my place, and behaving in a pleasing matter for You. i’m thinking about letting go and putting ego aside, and that even though it’s hard it’s so rewarding too. i’m wishing it wasn’t such a struggle in between each time, but this is par for the course that we are on, and rather than lament the in betweens, i’m going to focus on returning to You promptly in order to make the most of the moments we are together.

i can’t wait to see You in 2 days. i can’t wait to be Your willing fucktoy. To feel that first long hard push of Your cock into my cunt. To taste Your cock in my mouth. To kneel for You and serve You and be Yours in all the ways You demand of me. For four lucky nights and five lucky days.

It’s 1 day until i see You again. (About 12 hours, actually, but who’s counting? Oh, wait, that would be me…) i’m thinking about the 9 pairs of shoes that i just packed, and You fucking me while i wear each and every one of them.

Naughty Sub

i’m supposed to go without panties on the first day after my period ends. This month’s period was sorting of dragging along, and by the time i was sure i was done – yesterday – it didn’t seem like the first day after my period anymore, and i forgot the rule.

Late in the afternoon, i got an email from my Master asking why i was wearing panties, and i had to admit that i’d forgotten. He told me to take my panties off and shove them down my pants. i had to wear them like that for the rest of the day/evening. Fortunately, i was wearing tight-ish jeans, so i didn’t have to worry about them going anywhere. But not so tight that there was too much of an obvious lump.

The punishment certainly kept me aware of my cunt and my mistake and my submission, and i was very aroused and wet when i was finally able to take them out of my pants as i got ready for bed last night.

Thank You, Sir.

Merely Decorative

Lucky

i am lucky to have a Master who loves me so deeply and takes such good care of me. i am lucky to have a Master who is tolerant of my mistakes and helps me learn from them and do better in the future. i am lucky to have a Master who is so handsome and so fantastic a lover. i am lucky to have You in my life, supporting me financially and emotionally and making my life better in countless ways. i am lucky to have had someone to guide me and celebrate with me as i rediscover my femininity and rejoice in my new body.

Almost demure

Sugasm 167

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #168? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Every Time You Orgasm, An Angel Gets Its Wings
“There is nothing that screams “fuck you” to the pain and the hurt in the world than screaming “fuck me” to the person in your bed.”

HNT: Spanked
“I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. But tonight, I was sure.”

A Thousand Kisses
“This wasn’t enough. I knew that I had to try something else.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Congratulations, you’re invited!

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: Religion

Editor’s Choice
Food, fun and commitment

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Chloe
HNT
Love HNT Part II
So Many Stripes
Valentina Vaughn
Video Q&A #1

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Dementor
Fat Ass Betty
Full Circle
Going where no one has gone before

Sex Humor
Adventures in Craigslist (and a belated HNT)

Erotic Writing & Experiences
Ass-tute
Conversations about Crossdressing (Early Morning Version)
A Feast of Cock
Gender Fuck
Her Favorite Positions – The Conclusion
I Can’t Get No…Contraception
Lessons from an Orgy
Lilly’s Turn – Part 2: Wherein One Good Turn Deserves Another
Mirrors
Must be the weather…
New Perspective
Party.
Picture of Propriety
Playing with Dolls
Please don’t book me ever again
The Poet Surrenders
Rebirth In An Orgy
The Synestheatre
Wet dream at the airport-part1
A Wicked Birthday Bang

BDSM & Fetish
Bending over for some harsh cane stripes
Digging a hole, is that the way you treat me
Lick me
Preparing for Punishment: part one
Puppy’s first visit
A Salute to Masturbation May
SF Treat
Subs: How to NOT Apply
That Look
Thoughts about the play party and Femdom.
Under 40 ~ The New Kinky Bar
What Kind of Submissive Are You?

Sex Advice
How to be bisexual on the internet
How to Give a Tantric Breast Massage
Sometimes You Need A Break…

News, Reviews & Interviews
It’s Good to be the Intern
Kink Interview: Thomas’s Spanking Exploits
LELO Luna Beads: Because You Deserve Them
Product Review: Intimate Organics Energizing Fresh Orange & Wild Ginger Foot Foreplay Lotion
Top 5 Tuesday – Sun, Sand and Smut!

Fun and Games

When my Master told me i was going to be his fucktoy on our most recent visit, i had no idea just how much the “toy” part of that description was going to come into play.

As i wrote in the 22 hours post, when He arrived i was standing in the corner, hoping that i’d done everything right. i could hear him wandering around the room, trying to figure out where i’d stashed the toys. His instructions had said to put them in the top drawer of the dresser if there was one in the living room. Which there wasn’t, but the top drawer of the desk was the most equivalent place i could find.

He mostly ignored me for a little while, then told me to pull up my skirt a little in the back. i did that, and He ignored me for a while longer. Eventually he got settled in on the couch, and told me to crawl to Him.

He pulled out my collar, dangling it in front of my face, then dropped it on the floor in front of me. i picked it up in my teeth and presented it to Him. He tossed it down again. i picked it up again. This time, He tossed it a little farther away, and i crawled over to get it and bring it back. At first i thought i was being punished, or doing something wrong, but eventually it struck me that we were just playing fetch, because it amused Him to see me crawling around the floor in my tiny skirt and high heel shoes. This went on for quite a while before He told me to beg Him to put the collar on me, and then for a while after that, as i got the begging just right.

He put my leash on with my collar, and attached me to various points of the room as He did things. Moving back to the couch, He had me lie down beside Him, and started playing a little game where He would toss the end of the leash (which has a ring) towards my nipple, trying to “ring” it, while having me play with my clit. This all had me feeling nicely objectified throughout, i have to say. Master had had a busy and intense couple of days, and was enjoying indulging this light playful side, i think.

His next game was just as playful, but definitely not light! It went like this… Following His instructions, i’d reach into the bag of clothespins, pull one out, and say “Please put a clothespin on Your slavegirl, Sir,” and He would. I’d take a sharp intake of breath, or stamp my feet, or maybe even swear (depending where that particular clothespin went), and He’d hold His hand out patiently waiting for the next. i’d reach into the bag, and we’d do it again. And again. It took me a while to get into the rhythm, but i eventually i got the sequence right.

i don’t know how many clothespins He put on me. Maybe a dozen? A few on my cunt, most on my breasts. i know this is not a lot by some people’s standards, but it was plenty for me. There was one He put on my vulva very close to the end, that stung like crazy and nearly had me in tears. Shortly after that we got to the next phase of the game.

“Please Sir, please take a clothespin off Your slavegirl?” i begged Him, this time holding out my hand to take the clothespin back and return it to the bag. As soon as i could i begged Him specifically to take off the horrible biting one from my vulva, and while that was a relief, the rest had been on long enough that they were as painful coming off as they had been going on. When i begged again, and He told me they were all gone, i could scarcely believe Him, and wasn’t sure whether to be happy or sad. I had gotten so thoroughly into the rhythm, that it just seemed like it was going to go on forever.

My ineptness at the next game – begging to worship His cock – may have had something to do with all the endorphins making me loopy. But that thought didn’t occur to me at the time! i started off begging to suck His cock (something i very much enjoy doing) and ended up begging just to look at it, as He guided me through all the stages of begging in between. i’m not very good at begging, but got lots of practice on that visit! Finally He did let me look at it, then kiss it, then lick it, then take it in my mouth and enjoy the full taste of Him.

He fucked me then, and god, did we both need it. He fucked me until He came, and then He kept going, kept fucking me, eventually pulling out of my cunt just long enough to switch to my mouth, and coming again there. Ahhh.

Then, we had to get off the couch and dress for dinner.

22 hours

4:30p-6p: i arrived at the hotel before my Master, with specific instructions about how i was to unpack and be prepared to greet him. i was to unpack all my clothes, put the toys in an accessible but hidden space, and be standing waiting for Him in the corner. All evidence of me other than myself was to be hidden – i was to just be a perk that came with the room.

6p-7:30p: My Master arrived, and spent a long while playing with his fucktoy. Throwing my collar onto the floor and sending me to fetch it over and over again. Finally putting it on me, along with my leash, and then playing a very amusing (to Him) game of trying to land the metal ring on the end around my nipple. Then He came up with an even more amusing (to Him) game called “Beg for the Clothespins.” That was followed up by begging to worship Master’s cock, being granted that wish, and having Him come in me twice, once in my cunt and then again in mouth. That was a busy 90 minutes!

7:30p-9p: Ate dinner, snuggling up next to each other on a corner banquette at the hotel’s restaurant.

9p-10p: Back up the to room, with several stops along the way in the hall so that Master could pull down the shoulder of my dress to expose my tit, or push me up against the wall, or bite me, or just kiss me passionately. Me terrified the whole time that someone was going to open a door. Then, although we tried valiantly, the dining room table in the suite proved not quite the right height for fucking, so we moved on to the bed so He could fuck me in my dinner dress.

10p-11p: Spent in the bar, ultra conscious of people looking at me in my very short skirt and sheer black buttondown shirt over lacy black bra, and distracted by the buzzing of the remote controlled vibrator in my panties.

11p-12p: Pleased with my good performance, Master rewarded me with an orgasm, with my big purple dildo in my cunt and the Hitachi Magic Wand on my clit as i sucked His cock. i begged Him for permission from around His cock, and then came with Him deep down in my throat, mouth too full for my moans of pleasure to even be heard. i’d just finished coming when He filled my cunt with His cock. i was utterly exhausted and my cunt was sore from all the use earlier, so i felt very used as He fucked me for a long time before deciding that a 4th orgasm in 6 hours was just slightly too elusive to achieve.

12p-8a: Sleeping next to each other, mostly separate, occasionally intertwined, but always knowing that the other was there, and that we would wake up next to each other in the morning.

8a-9:30a: Cuddles and morning blow job, followed by more sex. Neither Master nor i can remember that round in particular, but we know He had two orgasms before breakfast…

9:30a-10a: Room service breakfast, part spent sitting on top of the table to provide my Master with a better view, and part spent kneeling next to Him.

10a-11:30a: Photo shoot in the morning light – lots of fun poses. And some not-so-fun ones, at least as far as i was concerned – there were lots of great flat surfaces in the hotel room for Him to pose me on, but they were all topped with glass, and WOW were they cold. So i guess those ones were still fun – for Him.

11:30a-12:30p: Master told me to take my panties off, then he lay down on the couch and told me to straddle His face and move wherever i wanted to be licked. i felt kind of self conscious about this to begin with, but what Master wants, Master gets, and if He wants to lick His slavegirl’s cunt, who am i to complain? Master clearly liked it too, and when He was done giving me a very thorough cunt licking i got to return the favor, with Master filling my mouth once more with His come.

12:30p-1p: We hear marching band music through our hotel window, and Master says “That must be that parade the hotel warned me about.” We peer out the window, trying to figure out what the parade could possibly be. When the next group to pass by were some rather butch women on motorcycles, followed by some people with rainbow flags, we quickly determined that this must be a Pride parade. We decide to get dressed and go out to watch for a bit. Master insisted that i wear my collar to do so. i protested, but He insisted, although He did turn it around so the buckle was in the back (partly hidden by my hair) and it just looked (i hope) like a thick leather choker. We watched the parade for a little while, but couldn’t stay long.

1p-2p: A quick shower, and then i put makeup on so i would look perfect for a last few pictures – close ups of me kissing and sucking my black stiletto pump. Pity we can’t post those ones to the blog, so you’ll just have to imagine them. Then packing to go.

2p-2:30p: Taxi ride to the airport, passionate kisses at the curb, then i was off to my terminal and He was off to His.

22 sweet hours of submission to the man i love. Thank You, Sir.

Packing List

i’m heading out soon for a short visit with my Master. Probably about 22 hours from start to finish. But you’d never be able to tell it was that short from my packing instructions:

3 bra and panty sets
2 pairs stockings
4 tops
4 skirts
1 dress
1 pair of jeans
5 pairs of shoes (including the amazing Steve Madden platforms in the picture)

And a whole bunch of sex toys, of course.

Fortunately, i was able to squeeze it all in my regular suitcase. When we travel for longer periods of time – even a weekend – we usually send a box ahead, with all the sex toys and some of the shoes.

The Journey

My Master and i have been having some deep discussions lately, spurred by a couple of posts from Gray Lily. A lot of what she writes is rather achingly familiar for us.

This paragraph, although written to describe her Michael, could just as easily describe my Master.

The most important thing to Michael, the most real part of our relationship, the thing that matters more than what he says or does or what ends up happening, is how he feels. The fact that he thinks about me when he is away, that his soul misses mine, is exponentially more real to him than the manner of contact we may have over that same period of time. Loving and wanting me mean more to him than any way in which he could possibly show those same emotions.

This is so true about my Master, that it’s scary. But like Gray Lily, i’m more about the action. As i wrote my Master i’m definitely more of the “yes, You love me, but what does it matter if…” kind of person. Despite His encouragement i’ve never been good at being satisfied with just the emotions.

Unlike Gray Lily, i don’t have the hope of some eventual payoff (although i fear that her hope may be mislaid, and hope that i am mistaken). As much as my heart fights it, i know my place. i know that this is what i get, that there is no happy ever after, at least not in the traditional ways.

And most of the time i’m okay with that.  As my Master has reminded me, relationships are not about endpoints. The journey is what’s important, and the journey we have been on and continue on together has been an amazing one, filled with wonder and closeness and love and pleasure. And pain and longing and sorrow and loss, but this wouldn’t be life without the circle, without the lows that make the highs worth fighting for.

This is what i must try to remember in times like now, when i am struggling to be not only what He wants, but what my dimly remembered memories tell me that i too would be happier being.  That the journey is what matters, even when there is no destination.