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Dating while owned

March 21, 2010

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My Master has suggested for quite a while now that he thought it would be good for me to have a local sweetie. i’ve been very hesitant about this idea, as i worried about being able to manage all the maelstrom of emotions. But then the opportunity for something casual and fun presented itself, and so – with the full encouragement of my Master – i went for it. And i’m having a lot of fun.

But it’s definitely added some new elements to my relationship with my Master. i had a date with the new guy (let’s call him N) while my Master was offline for 10 days, and after N left i had to go upstairs and follow my Master’s instructions for the evening – to masturbate for Him, on the floor with a shoe. Here’s what i wrote to my Master the next day:

i went upstairs and knelt next to the bed. i pulled out my vibrator and a shoe. i sucked on the toe of the shoe a bit to lube it up, then slid it into my cunt. Probably didn’t need to lube it, because i was still a little wet from rolling around on the couch with N. i thought to myself (as soon as i saw Your instructions, but also again in the act) that there’s nothing quite so good at making me remember who owns me than fucking myself with a shoe for You. Not that i’d forgotten at all, but it was a very visceral reminder and made me feel very submissive.

i buzzed the vibe on my clit as i fucked myself with the shoe. i was really aroused and it felt really good, but i was having a hard time getting a good angle to actually get off. And when i would, then my arm muscles would wear out right when i was on the edge. So i got to masturbate and meditate on ownership and submission for a long time before i finally got a position where i came, begging for Your permission.

i licked the shoe clean with my tongue, then got into bed and knelt a bit more for You before kissing Your bracelet and falling asleep.

It felt very weird to be moving forward with N while my Master was away, and i couldn’t ask Him for permission or check things out with Him. So in most ways it’s been a relief to have Him back, but it’s also felt really weird on a bunch of levels to be asking for permission to stay up late, or having to be aware of constraints on what i can do with N. (Although so far we’ve been having so much fun making out that we haven’t come anywhere near to the limits my Master’s established anyway…)

(Shoes are Rock & Republic’s Alayna. Entirely impractical, so we’re not keeping them. i’m not sure anyone has a lifestyle where owning these shoes makes sense, but i sure don’t. More’s the pity.)

6 comments

  1. God I want those shoes. I have no way to justify the price, but they’re amazing.


  2. Hi, I’m glad you had a great time with N. It must have been nice to have some one near you that you could go on a nice date with. From reading your blog it’s obvious you love your Master, however do you sometimes wish you had someone you could be with on a day to day basis? Maybe finding someone who can except you being in a poly relationship with them and your Master. When you not with your Master he has another relationship to go to, do you not wish the same for you at times? I hope you do mind the questions. I was just a little curious. If I was in a long distance relationship like you are, I think I would still want to have someone locally to be with. There’s just something about being able to wake up next to that person day after day that I love. That’s just me though. I understand everyone has there own views on things and I always respect that. Kara XO


    • My thoughts and emotions about this get really complicated.

      Having fairly recently left a marriage, i don’t feel a strong desire right now to have the kind of relationship where i “wake up next to that person day after day.” i like that i have my own space and lots of time to do my own things.

      i’m also concerned about my ability to sustain two emotionally complex relationships at once, and i worry that if i were to fall in love with someone i would fall out of love with my Master. While i approve of poly in theory, i’m just not sure i’m emotionally wired for it. And the kind of 24/7 D/s we’re practicing (albeit remotely) seems really hard to reconcile in my mind with another serious committed relationship, so something would have to give. And right now i’m not willing to make those sacrifices.

      Now, all that said, i do sometimes worry about growing old and dying alone, so there’s definitely tension there. This sort of thing is something that we think and talk about a lot, and try to pay attention to as emotions evolve.


      • I can understand not wanting to jump into a new relationship after leaving a marriage. You want to continue to explore what you have.

        If it was me I would have the same question as the last part of your reply. For now this may be the ideal situation for you. Though 20-25 years from now would you feel the same? At that point would you feel the desire to have someone by your side. Would there be regret if you were still by yourself? Even though you and your Master love each other, he still has someone in his daily life to grow old with. If it was myself I would desire that same thing at some point in my life.
        Thank you for replying and answering the questions I asked. Kara XO


  3. *clicks ‘like* :-)*


  4. Shoes like that don’t need to make sense. They just are. Wow.



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