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Trust and Let Go

January 18, 2009

sawhorse

My Master always gives me very specific instructions about what to wear when i see Him. Packing instructions too. Usually these come the night before a visit, and the uncertainty drives me crazy!

This week He told me a few days earlier what i was to wear when i saw Him. Then followed it up with the comment “I don’t know why I felt so nice just then; generally I prefer you to be in the dark longer, because it keeps you more off balance.”

i greatly protested, trying to convince Him that keeping me off-balance wasn’t really in His best interest. i’m a planner – i like to rehearse scenarios in my head and think about what i’m going to do. When He takes that opportunity away from me, i feel very unsettled. On the edge. Grumpy. Which means i’m not at my best when i see Him for the first time. i feel very vulnerable and emotionally fragile.

And, of course, that vulnerability is exactly what’s looking for. He’s more interested in feeling my submission than in me performing to some desired standard. He strips away my control when He takes away my ability to plan, and He likes it that way. Because ideally, after the emotional fragility comes the realization that He will take care of me, and that i can trust Him completely and totally. Rather than angsting because i don’t have control, because i haven’t been able to plan my actions and emotions in advance, i need to trust and let go, knowing that He will keep me safe, no matter what happens.

5 comments

  1. Hi LDS, I have a question or two to ask, but I couldn’t find an email link on the blog—

    1-as a major shoe slut, tell me about the shoes that have the red on the bottom…someone wore them to christmas dinner, and it wasn’t untl about a week or so later that I figured out they were something special.
    2-if you’d feel comfortable, could you add me to your blogroll?


  2. Red-soled shoes are the trademark of high-end designer Christian Louboutin. Not all red soled shoes are his, however – i have a darling pair of black patent d’Orsay pumps from Anne Klein with a red sole.

    Sure, happy to add you to the blog roll.


  3. he keeps you on edge, where you belong.


  4. I love it…Sex and the City meets BDSM 🙂

    Richard Brian Penn


    • That sums up certain portions of my life quite succinctly. Glad you appreciate it…



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