A hard one

January 13, 2009


i knew it was going to be a hard one while i was packing my suitcase. The packing list He’d given me had all of His favorite toys – the riding crop, evil stick, wartenberg wheel, clothespins – and none of mine – the nice thuddy and whippy stingy floggers.

Our room had a bench at the end of the king size bed, which made for a perfect spanking setup. i could kneel on the bench with my upper body on the bed, and my ass was at a very comfortable height for Him to work on.

i was thankful that He started off with a nice thorough spanking, so i was well warmed up before He started in with the crop and later the evil stick. Although by then my mind was not in a place to distinguish one sharp stingy pain from another, and i thought he was still using the crop when i was murmering “please no, please no, please no more,” only later remember that i’d brought the evil stick and that must have been what He’d been using.

Unlike our previous visit, at least this time i didn’t have to support myself – i could melt into the bed and cry out into the soft comforter, unable to just roll away and force a break when things got rough. Forced to give the submission i need to give.

Sometimes s/m scenes feel like a gift that He gives me. And sometimes they feel like something that’s taken from me. This was one of the latter times. Even though He let me play with my clit as He clipped clothespins to my inner thighs, my sore red bottom and my labia lips. As He bit my skin, already tender from the beating. As He fucked me deep with my dildo.

It doesn’t look so bad in the picture. Until you realize that those dark spots aren’t moles and freckles like the ones that adorn the rest of my skin, they’re blood blisters raised over the course of a half an hour of being my Master’s plaything.

All i could think to say when He was done was “So much for You not being a sadist.” We have both changed a lot since we began this journey together, and it makes me really happy to know that He is willing to take what He needs from me, even – maybe especially – when it’s hard for me.

Today He wrote to me: “I love you when you’re taking that for me.  I really do.  I can’t explain it, but I do.” And that made me really happy to read. Because i want to give Him everything He needs.

One comment

  1. Of course you do. And you are fulfilled when he takes it.

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