Hi, my name is lyn, and i’m an overthinker.

January 9, 2009


My Master regularly accuses me (and correctly so) of overthinking. The other night we had a miscommunication about my trying on some clothes we’d ordered and sending Him pictures, and i overthought myself into NOT trying them on because He wasn’t online, despite Him telling me that i should. When He came back on, after spending on hour looking forward to seeing the pictures, i was already in bed, and He was one very disappointed Master.

More frequently, it comes in the context of  Him telling me to just “be/act submissive,” and me getting all caught up in worrying that i don’t know how. What i’m worried abou really, is doing it *wrong*. i have a little bit of an obsession with doing things right, and right the first time. i don’t like learning curves, and the fact that i struggle sometimes with my submission frustrates me.

Which is, of course, the completely wrong way to think about it, because submission is a journey, not a destination. And, the first lesson He taught me (and continues to try to teach me, slow learner that i am, at least on this topic) is that submission is about letting go.  And overthinking is pretty much the antithesis of submitting.

Coming out of this most recent overthinking debacle, my Master instructed me to write him something about overthinking. “It doesn’t have to be long,” he said. “It can be  stream of consciousness. But it has to be before you go to bed tonight.”

i got two sentences written before i started overthinking about overthinking, so i stopped there and sent it on to Him. As short and sweet as it is, i think it’s a pretty good mantra for those times where i find myself struggling to figure out what to do.

Sometimes i try to hard to figure out what exactly You want from me, and that keeps me from doing anything. Where it would be better for me to just do it, and accept correction or adjustment from You if i was mistaken or didn’t get it quite right.

Let go. Let go of outcomes. Do my best, with submission and pleasing my Master as my goal, and accept that sometimes i will do it wrong. And that that’s okay.

Thank You, Sir.


  1. Join the (very big) club!! I think overthinking is the curse of many submissives. We are usually hard wired people pleasers who, as you say, usually want to get it right, and get it right first time. Like you and your Master, this is a conversation mine’s had with me many many times. What helped was finally understanding that even if I get something wrong, he never sees ME as wrong. He’s told me that by overthinking things I take away his opportunities to take control, to shape and mould me to be perfect for him…..that if he can’t see the raw material honestly, then he can never be certain of what he could make of me/us.

    So yes……letting go is important.

    Great post Lyn

  2. If you’re doing the best you can (and you do) then it’s okay, i think there’s no wrong when your goal is to please your Master. The perfect submissive doesn’t excist and if so then she must be pretty boring. 😉 Perfection is boring i think.
    But i know how you feel, sometimes i’m a overthinker as well. My Master always amazes me with his empathy, understandig, patience and wisdom if i’m off track.

    You go girl!
    Sweet greetz, moonheart

  3. […] this weekend. He asked me for a list of 10 things i was looking forward to. i immediately fell into overthinking mode, and started worrying about making the list contain consistent kinds of items, and thinking […]

  4. i’m always being told not to overthink by my Master, it’s a habit i’m finding hard to kick.

    • i’m still a horrible overthinker, so i can definitely relate!

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