Working it through

August 2, 2008

i knelt for You, thinking about how much more centered and at home in my submission i have been feeling these past few days. It’s once again becoming a place of refuge rather than a point of constant struggle, and that’s very nice. i’m not where i was last year, and don’t know if i ever will be – then it was like every day was a day of discovery about myself, my submission, my relationship to You, what it all meant. Kind of like NRE with D/s, and i don’t know if that’s possible to recapture. But i am feeling more at peace. Except for the moments when i’d be criticizing myself for requiring so much coddling, and wondering how submissive that really was to need all this attention and careful handling in order to behave as You expect of me. But i reminded myself about feedback cycles and that this is not my problem to worry about, and just let it go. So i knelt and relaxed into my submission, reached out my mind and heart to You sleeping across the ocean, felt our connection across time and space, then kissed Your bracelet and went to sleep.

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