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Periodic

June 7, 2008

i’ve written about my period here before, usually to complain about how it seems that almost every time the stars and our schedules align to allow my Master and i to see each other, i have it. But that’s not the only place if affects our relationship. Every month, about 5 days before my period starts, my emotions go haywire. i start to doubt my submission. i start to wonder why i’m bothering, why he’s bothering. My libido damps right down. And all i can think about is the things we don’t have instead of the things we do.

Typical PMS, i suppose. But until just over a year ago, when i became my Master’s submissive, i wouldn’t have said i experienced any PMS-like symptoms. Now it’s so clear that when i was feeling really stressed a couple days ago, i emailed my Master asking “When is my period due?”

Submission has brought me many things – a new sense of purpose in my life, a hugely expanded sexuality, deeper love than i’ve ever known. But it’s also given me this awareness about myself and – particular to this post – about my cycles. Because the reason it’s apparent now, when it never was before, is because there’s this single thing – my submission to my Master – that provides a sense of structure around my life, and gives me a way to observe my emotional state relative to a constant of sorts.

i woke up today feeling better. No longer questioning. No longer doubting, or longing, or resisting. So i was not at all surprised to see blood a few hours later. And so the cycle begins again.

2 comments

  1. i know precisely what you mean! And you and i must be synched, because this past week i have been going thru the same thing. Doubting if He wants me still, feeling like i’m not good enough, wondering if this is all pointless…but not having a real trigger for those feelings. Then, yesterday, duuuuhhhhh… One of these days i’m gonna keep track.


  2. i also can so relate to this. Feeling more than restless, being uncertain and yesterday i sudenly started crying, feeling empty, missing my Owner. Yes it is the last day of my period, then i am very emotional.
    🙂



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