Sending your Dom out for sushi

February 29, 2008

As i wrote about in my other post about our visit, i was really sick when my Master was visiting a couple of weeks ago. Saturday night i was so sick that i just needed to lie in bed and doze. We couldn’t figure out where to get good homemade chicken noodle soup, so i had the idea to get some udon as the next best thing, and asked Him to go off and pick it up so i could stay in bed.

Which all just seems horribly unsubmissive.

There are a lot of different ways to “do” D/s. i get emails from other subs all the time, and i enjoy getting them. It’s not uncommon, though, for them to include something along the lines of “but some people would say we’re not doing “true” D/s”. And i understand that position – i read blogs and can’t help but compare myself and my D/s relationship to what i read in them. And it’s easy for a sub to come up wanting, to feel like there’s this gold standard of D/s, this ideal of perfect submission, that she will never reach.

But the reality is that D/s relationships are just that – relationships. Some – like my relationship with my Master, like Amy and Richard at 24.7, like little girl Persephone to owners Andrew and Morgan, and lots of others – are love relationships. But even those come in wildly different flavors – polyamorous, monogamous, gay, straight. Others are decidedly not love relationships – the sadly missed Puppy Tales is probably the best example of this, but Katie – Spanking and Submission is another. Once i would have said that about Married Man’s Fucktoy, but i don’t know how i’d categorize that relationship now. There may indeed be love in those relationships, but it is not allowed to be spoken, and is not the point.

Just like vanilla relationships, D/s relationships come in a million flavors. And they are all as real, and as true, as any other. It’s okay if your D/s relationship doesn’t include endurance training, or piss training, or any other kind of training. It’s okay if you’ve never felt the sting of a flogger or a crop, and a bare hand spanking is all you can or want to take – or give. D/s is about the people in the relationship, relating to each other, exchanging power, building trust, giving, taking, loving, hurting. If you’re doing it, and it feels right, it’s okay.

Sometimes it’s even okay to send your Dom out for sushi.


  1. I love that! You’re very right. I originally thought D/s relationships HAD to be a certain way, which really put me off of D/s relationships more than anything, but reading up on it made me realize that there isn’t a singular idea, and there are different levels–which works better for me because I LOVE my D/s relationship the way it is.

    Thanks for writing on this, you’re right that D/s relationships are, at their core, about caring about each other and so if you need to send your Dom out for sushi, so be it!

  2. I agree with Rae – thanks for writing this. The point of a d/s relationship is pleasing both parties, which means that you do what is right for your relationship. Hell, I play video games with my Daddy sometimes, and I don’t let him win! It’s just a little example, but some would say that a “true” sub would always let him win, but what fun would that be? In our relationship, we need that friendship, not just training all the time.

    And, on another note, I miss Puppy Tails too.

  3. This is so true! And I believe it needs to be said more often.

    In the past I have read blogs that are way more extreme than what we are and I found myself thinking “Shit, she’s a sub, they’re doing it, then He should be doing that to me” etc, etc. Although now I have realised that all D/s relationships are different, as all relationships are different. But more than that….I’ve learnt that this is okay.

    Again though I still think it needs to be stated more.


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