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Is Statements

January 26, 2008

Tuesday night was a rough night for me. i was just in a down mood, and a phone conversation with my Master didn’t help. Later we ended up talking on IM, and i was really sad and a little angry too. Tears were running down my face as i typed, expressing all of the frustration and pain that comes with all the unrequited (and unrequitable) want that bounds our relationship.

Wednesday, i felt much better. And by Thursday, i could actually look at the experience with some perspective. i had been deriding myself a little for breaking down, but by Thursday i didn’t feel guilty or bad about my emotions anymore. This *is* a difficult thing we are managing. It *is* hard to live with so much want all the time. And it *is* still wonderful and glorious and something i don’t want to lose. But sometimes i am going to need to feel and to process the emotions that go with the first couple of “is” statements. And that’s okay.

6 comments

  1. Hugs lyn,

    Having been in a long distance relationship with my Daddy, for almost 3 yrs, i can empathize with what you are feeling. Daddy always told me to concentrate on the good, and yes it was difficult for Him too, think of what we were working toward, becoming 24/7.

    Hang in there… it’s ok to feel exactly what you are feeling, just keep looking forward.

    hugs
    essence


  2. i just want to wrap you up and give you a big hug. i know how you feel, as i have been there myself. Just like sub essence said, focus on the good. What my Owner always said was ‘we need to focus on what we DO have, rather than focus on what we DON’T have, because we need to focus on what we can control.’ Believe me…those words resonated in my mind 24 hours a day.

    It’s so hard…so very hard, but the rewards are so beautiful.

    You are definitely in my thoughts.

    *Hugs*
    slave2JS


  3. essence – Thank you. Unfortunately, i don’t have any forward to look to. What we have now is almost certainly all we will ever have. But i appreciate your hugs!

    slave2JS – i think my Master has probably said exactly those words – ie. focusing on what we have instead of what we don’t. i need to get better at doing that.


  4. huggs lyn, it is so so hard. The ups and downs and ups and downs don’t make it easier to ride the waves of acceptance, but i know you can. huggs again, hang in there!

    crystalline


  5. I don’t know why particularly, but that was really a lovely post. *hugs* to you, it sucks when things can’t be easy…and I wish they were for you and your Master.

    Good luck…and hopefully one day you can make the “is” statements into “was” statements. 🙂


  6. Thanks rae and crystalline – i appreciate your support!

    it’s been a very thoughtful day for me. i think i need an attitude adjustment – i’m forgetting my place and my purpose, and i know that if and when i can get into the right space, these wants won’t be nearly so present or so difficult to cope with. i know i’m not explaining myself well – i’m still processing some thoughts and emotions i realized while doing some blog reading earlier today.



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