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Red-Letter Day

August 12, 2007

For all that i’ve written about orgasms this week, i haven’t written about the really wonderful thing. Last week, when we were away together, Master gave me an orgasm. This probably doesn’t sound very special, but it is actually a huge thing. As i’ve written, i have a lot of issues around orgasm. Getting my first vibrator many, many years ago was a lifesaver for me. But then it got so that i mostly couldn’t come any other way. When Master and i first started seeing each other (long before we were Master and sub), it took me months before i could even come with Him in the same room, even using my vibrator! And even after i could, i always had to be in control of my orgasm – i had to be the one making it happen. Obviously this is a huge failing in a submissive, and has been a frustration for both of us.

Slowly things have been changing. i’ve been forbidden from using my vibrator for a few months now, and i have learned to come quite well without it. i’m refocusing the purpose of my masturbation to serving him, rather than getting myself off. i’m learning to fantasize, instead of focusing so much on the physical sensations of what’s going on in my body. i’m learning to let go.

And so i found myself last week, floating in post-flogging endorphins, lying on the bed, my Master’s hand moving a dildo in and out of my cunt, while the fingers of His other hand rubbed my clit. He was talking to me, filling my head with the fantasies i’m not so good at coming up with on my own – me, on my knees, moving down a line of beautiful women, sucking and licking their shoes. Him fucking me like this in the middle of a room, exposing me for a crowd of onlookers to see. And wonder of wonders, there it was – an orgasm, and not of my own making. i gasped out my request for permission and when He told me to do it, to give him my orgasm, i did. i cried out as the waves of pleasure crashed over me. Cried a few tears after, in joy and pleasure and submission.

A red-letter day indeed. And to make things even better – it wasn’t even a fluke, because He did it the next day too!

3 comments

  1. You made that sound really lovely. I had my first orgasm when i was pre teen i think but something i have had with Sir is multiple orgasms. Left to my self, after one, i am satisfied and quite happy. he demands loads. You have so much to look forward to *smiles*


  2. “You have so much to look forward to”

    i hope so, but mostly i’m really trying not to focus on it. It’s His pleasure that matters. i’m fortunate in that he finds it pleasurable for me to have orgasms, but i really need to think of it that way to avoid getting caught up in trying to control them.


  3. one thing i have learnt is that there in no control in orgasms. If he wants me to have one i do, if he doesnt, i dont. Black and white, just how i like it



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