What I want

August 3, 2007

In a comment to one of my posts, Katie asked me “What would you most hate him to do and what would you most like him to do, if you don’t mind me asking?” I like it when people comment, so I wanted to answer her question, but it’s been hard for me.

I’ve said before that it’s my mind my Master wants – he says taking my body is easy (and it is, because I’m a slutty little girl). But my mind – that’s what he really wants. And taking my mind means that I don’t have any wants of my own – his wants become my wants. I exist not for myself, but for him. Slowly but surely I am being trained out of thinking about (and certainly expressing) my own desires as I become more and more completely his. His control, his absolute ownership of me, is what forms the absolute core of relationship. The things we do – they’re just window dressing. So that’s what I most want – to become that perfect submissive for him. And the thing I don’t want is for him to be disappointed in me – I feel completely bereft when he is disappointed in me.

So, that’s the philosophical answer. But I am human, and there are definitely things I like more than others! So to get at what Katie probably really wants…

I love it when he fucks me with my legs up over his shoulders (extra points if I’m wearing high heels and my ankles are cuffed together, like they were just an hour or so ago). I love it when he reaches into my top in the taxi or the hallway or the elevator and strokes my nipples or exposes me. I love it (and hate it) when he spanks my cunt, and makes me beg him to do it again.

Things I don’t want him to do… lately he has been promising that someday I will take his cock in my mouth and drink his piss. And I know I will do it – hell, I know I will end up begging him to let me – because I want above all to please him. But I do not have a piss fetish. This is not a thing that turns me on, or a thing that I want to do for any usual value of the word “want.” I can only hope that he’ll enjoy the fun of playing with the threat/promise more than he would actually doing it.


  1. Thank you so much for taking the time to answer (i am still working on the rules).

    The piss in the mouth thing is something that i hope like hell, never comes up cause i just hate the thought of it but like you, i know i will have to do it if he says so.

    Just been away for a couple of days so will catch up on the rest of the posts tomorrow. xxxx

  2. katie – I couldn’t believe it when my Master made me say it! He was asking me what things he could do with my mouth, and didn’t stop until I suggested that he could pee in it. I was trying everything else I could think of, hoping he had something else in mind. But no, pee it was.

    He is always surprising me with the things he comes up – things I never imagined he’d be interested in! It’s partly my own fault, I suppose – I’m a little too eager to be a slut, so he’s got to get pretty edgy to find limits to push!

  3. i always used to tell Sir about all the things i had read but i kinda dont anymore, i figureued he had evil enough ideas without me planting any more into his head lol.

    Can you help me in something, i read somewhere about soap and someone said about making the cock really soapy and being made to suck it. I cant find the link anywhere and i wondered if you knew where i might have read it???

    Oh and it would be a good thing for you to tell your Master about *smiles evilly* xxx

  4. katie – I wish I could not tell my Master some of the things I read, but telling him everything is Rule #1. I guess I should just be glad that he doesn’t let me read much!

    And because he doesn’t, I can’t help you with your soapy cock story. Yuck! Although not quite as yucky as pee, I think.

    And re. telling him about it – Master gets copies automatically of all the comments posted in my blog, so – thanks very much 😉 – you’ve just done it for me!

  5. Now that is interesting, i can plant lots of evil ideas into his head *smiles*. I have to tell Sir everthing i am feeling but if i tell him stuff i have read, he sees it as suggesting and i am completely forbidden to “suggest”. What happens to me is for him to decide not to reenact what i have read. Sometimes he will set me assignments to resaerch a certain area and report back but i am not allowed to suggest which bit i fancy or not fancy.

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