h1

Fucking up

July 16, 2007

I’m just a total fuck up of a submissive lately. I can’t seem to do anything right. Master has punished me and been disappointed with me and needed to correct me more this week than ever before. Every time I vow to do better, then I fuck something else up. I feel totally useless, and totally not worthy of him right now. It’s not like his requirements are that strict, but I still keep taking it on myself to bend the rules and reinterpret.

I am a very bad sub, and I hate myself right now.

5 comments

  1. Lyn! Don’t say that about yourself. It is very, VERY hard to begin training as a sub. Every mistake you make is a learning experience that will help you grow and bring you closer to your Master. Believe me we ALL have weeks like this. i can’t even begin to tell you how many times i’ve felt unworthy of my Master.

    He loves you. It will be okay. Just give it some time.


  2. Thank you. I do know that he loves me, but I feel awful that I am letting him down.

    We are supposed to see each other in a week. He’s given me that week to shape up, decide that this is important to me, and start behaving like the submissive he expects of me. I am going to try very very hard.


  3. Honey you are at the beginning of your journey. i’ve been inside the flames for over 3 years now and there are still days like those!! 😦
    They make me feel useless and a complete failure, just like it’s happening to you now. and it seems that the more i want to do better, the more i can’t.

    i’m sure the thought of being with your Master will help you to give the best of yourself.
    Hugs


  4. HEllo, came over from his pets site…don’t beat yourself up…


  5. I am reading your blog backwards so i am sure you are feeling much better now. But i just wanted to say, it is so hard to be obedient all the time and not to get too focussed on it. There are lots of reasons why we mess up, sometimes we are just looking for the line , sometimes we are just being perverse and sometimes we are trying too hard. The thing, is, if he loves and cares for you (which he certainly seems to from what i have read so far)then he knows that you just need centreing again, to bring you back to your place. I dont think there is a submissive alive, who has not needed that at some point.

    love to you

    katie xxx



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