Archive for June 25th, 2007

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Playing vs Being

June 25, 2007

Earlier today I sent my owner an email requesting a chance to talk about a scheduling quandary I was having. He told me he’d SMS me when he was free and I could call him. When I got the SMS, it said “You may assume the proper phone position and call me.”

A warm flush came over me. I felt so submissive, so owned. And like I was receiving a gift, by being told to assume my phone position (standing up, head down, eyes looking at the ground between my feet, non-phone arm at my side). I smiled with joy at it. As I readied myself to phone him, it struck me how different my reaction is now, to a month ago. Now, I smiled with joy over the chance to demonstrate my submission, where a month ago I would have let out a nervous giggle at how stereotypically D/s this all seemed. “Wow,” I would have thought, “He’s getting good at this Dom thing.”

In either case, I would have complied, but back then, I was playing the part of the submissive. Now I am submissive. The difference is subtle from the outside, but night and day apart inside.

I shared this observation with him, and he’s had the same reaction on his side – things he once thought were “dorky” now are much less so. We are both in the process of becoming.