Archive for June 22nd, 2007

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Mantra for a stressful day

June 22, 2007

I am still owned. And my owner still loves me, even when he’s annoyed at me for not following his instructions, and even when he’s busy and I’m not hearing much from him. I love him, and he is my center, my everything. If I just focus on that, everything will be fine.

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Control of Orgasms

June 22, 2007

I expressed to my owner my discomfort about being in control of my own orgasm so much. He agreed that it wasn’t right for me to have that control, and gave me some additions to his earlier rules.

Until you’re told otherwise, when you masturbate for me do so without regard to orgasm. If one hovers nearby, take it. If one doesn’t, that’s okay too. The point of the exercise is to feel the fundamental eroticism of your submission as deeply as possible, not for release.

And don’t use the vibrator anymore. You’re going to have to wean yourself from it sooner or later, and now is a good a time as any. The shoe, the nipple clamps, the floor, the dildo, and the ass plug — those are your sex toys for now.

So far, this has been much better. It helps me focus my masturbation on him, and not on myself, which feels much better. He would like very much for me to someday learn to come on command, and before we can get there, I need to learn to give up control of my orgasms.