h1

Letting Go

June 8, 2007

>> Thinking back to our visit, I pushed by a lot of asking or begging
>> for something I want. Which is focusing on my needs, not yours, and
>> something I need to change. I know you like it when I beg, so I
>> shouldn’t, I don’t think, get rid of asking entirely, but I need
>> to use it more appropriately.

> You’re right that overcompensating is just as bad. Submissive
> doesn’t mean that you have nothing to say. Submissive doesn’t mean
> that you have nothing to suggest, or contribute, or do. Submissive
> isn’t the same as stupid. It’s an attitude. There are ways to
> research bdsm clubs that are inherently submissive, and there are
> ways that are not. You need to learn the difference.

[snip]

> What you need to “learn not to do that is” how to let go. This is no
> longer your relationship to steer. These are no longer your things
> to decide. You have exactly one decision, and once you’ve made that
> you are done with deciding. What you need to learn is how to make
> peace with it, what it means, and how to remember it both when we are
> interacting and when we are not.

[snip]

> You asked about the difference between “works” and “works.” There is
> a difference, and it’s entirely in your head. You can do the things
> and act the part and feel the tension of unreleased orgasms in your
> uterus, and it will work. Or you can let go and stop steering and
> feel the submission in your head, and it will work on a completely
> different level. This is the one decision you have: to act
> submissive or to be submissive. I can help, I can guide, I can
> correct, but — especially with me so far away so much of the time —
> much of this has to happen in your head.

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