May 26, 2007

I was telling one of my dear friends about the way my relationship with my Master had changed, and she responded to my email with “Well it sounds fabulous from here, m’dear. I’m glad you’re having fun and fulfillment and I hope your upcoming time together is hot and delicious!”

Which are very nice sentiments, of course, but just felt totally out of sync with where my head is. Because this is certainly fulfilling, but I don’t know that I’d describe it as “fun.” Thinking about that lead me to write this email to my Master.

It’s hard to explain what this feels like on the inside without it sounding like something weird. There’s a line in the Illustrated Teacher story I sent you that talks about there being a lot about D/s that doesn’t survive the transition into words, and I find that to be very true. It’s why so many of the blogs out there are almost painful to read. It’s so hard to articulate what this is like without it sounding mean or abusive or just “why the heck would you want to do that!”

So she’s putting what I’m telling her into her context of consensual playful BDSM and intepreting it that way. And that’s fine, but just means that her responses will be a little startling for me sometimes.

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